As of now, at this moment I’m happy and I think that’s what matters, to me anyway. It genuinely feels like summer to me, I only come home during the holidays; therefore, as soon as I got home I was like “oh time to chill”. It was time to chill when I came home in early March and I did exactly that, but now exam season is upon us and I need to be studying for my exams but my mind is in complete relaxation mode. I’ll spend the day doing Ramadan things and then as soon as it’s night time, time to buckle down and get to it, my brain says “yeah you could, or you could spend hours watching Jubilee YouTube videos”, I’ll let you guess which option wins (its the latter). It’s okay though, it’ll be fine, I’ll study, we’ll get through it, and then it’ll be over. I’m so grateful that I’m home and with family, it just makes everything so much more fun and entertaining, and not to forget distracting because I think distractions are always important, but right now more than ever. I do believe everything happens for a reason and I think people are going to find the reason by the end of this whole thing, I hope so anyway, I think I’m going to learn self-discipline (because I have close to none, ask the lack of baking ingredients in my kitchen). I’m just taking one day at a time, it’s how my brain is wired and it keeps me from overwhelming myself. I’m not going to spend too much time worrying, it’s not going to do my any good (I don’t want to break out from stress is what I’m getting at). Also, there’s just so much time now, it’s bloody wonderful. The opportunity for growth during this period, wow, let’s just say, I’m excited. We cook, we bake, I started learning Spanish (will it last? Who knows but also who cares? Not me). I’ve started painting whilst listening to a podcast, and if that isn’t the most “trendy” thing you’ve heard, I don’t know what is, but let me tell you, it’s a good bloody time and incredibly therapeutic. I am excited for my exams to finish so I can actually start learning new skills and spend more time on my hobbies, as currently, they have taken a backseat, and man, am I excited to get back into working out, it really does improve my mood drastically. I might end up just watching all the shows but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Also, very grateful that I’m in a position to be able to enjoy myself and not worry too much about the thing that shall not be named (the pandemic, there I said it). Also, don’t get me wrong, I definitely have those moments, days even where I get upset and just want to do absolutely nothing whilst also eat absolutely everything, and you know what I do during those times, absolutely nothing whilst eating absolutely everything. Sometimes it makes me feel better and sometimes worse but that’s okay. Life goes on, until it doesn’t, because then you’re dead and that’s also okay. Morbid? Well, that just depends on how you look at it.
I talk to my friends more than I have during the academic year, which may sound sad but I’m not going to think about that, it’s been lovely, I fricking love video chatting with them, they’re so funny? I always knew that but I feel like I forgot and so I love being reminded. Oh, you know what I have been realizing during this time though, how to not get too angry or agitated whilst always being surrounded by people and dealing with others, listen I love spending time with family, but you know who I also love spending time with, myself. However, there are worse things to happen than not being alone, like having to be alone against your own will sooooo I take that back, I’m grateful because at least I can wake up or stay up later than everyone else and just be alone. Also, I’m healthy??? that’s pretty damn important right now and a big thing to be grateful for. It’s going to be fine, everything’s going to be fine and everything’s going to work out because it always does one way or another. Faith, got to have faith and that is what’s keeping me sane, oh and my sister, we’re just hilarious and have a good time. I’ll mention one more thing, the thing that’s probably stopped me from spiraling, which I sort of did at the start. Bloody Instagram, that platform really just overwhelmed me with the news at the start and my mind took in everything. I became so upset. I became easily agitated. I was always frustrated and angry and sad, so incredibly sad (and it was probably really annoying for my family to deal with, but they’ve had practice so it’s fine). I deleted Instagram. Best decision. I do think it was important for me to have it at the start, it did inform me about the severity of the situation, even before lockdown happened. However, it became too much; therefore, the news notifications I get now are enough to keep me informed. So I cleansed my phone to cleanse my mind and cleanse my soul (don’t worry, I’m also laughing at myself as I type those, cheesy and cringe-worthy words). Laugh at yourself and laugh with others, even if it’s through a screen, and before you know it, you’ll be with them (InshAllah).
By Rohma Iqbal,
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.