This is all new for me, staying home and doing nothing or I may say, staying home and focusing on myself. Something I’ve never done before. I distinctly remember complaining to my colleagues that I need an extended weekend. Every Friday, before leaving work, I chanted to myself that I am not coming back, and then coming up with a list of new to-do-list for work only by the weekend. Life of a workaholic is a dilemma, you complain about it, but you love it (complaining and your work both). Since the beginning of this pandemic, I was super pissed, because I got what I wanted (a huge ass long weekend) and now I had nothing to ask for.
I started setting up high standards of productivity for myself at home; started cleaning up all the bookshelves, ordered more shelves to organize stuff, color-coordinated my scarves, enrolled in online courses, started planning new mental-health training programs for my students and clients, DIY-ed a 2020 planner (a very pretty one, IDK why). And BOOM! I was done with all of it in 15 days and still, the quarantine wasn’t over. It was hard for me to realize that now I am left with myself only….
I started shifting my energies from external success to internal validation. It wasn’t easy. Getting to know yourself is sometimes quite intimidating. I started to reflect upon my thoughts, feelings, and emotions; I haven’t done that in quite a long time. I realized how important it is to know the key-bits of self-knowledge. What energies you are attracted to, what our talents, weaknesses, and strengths. I started doing what I loved to do as a child, I started painting, singing, dancing, and watched some of my favorite Disney movies. Reliving my childhood was the best thing I ever have done. A person like me who always thought that re-watching a show or a movie is a waste of time watched B99 and FRIENDS again, "Netflix and chill" are what I am chanting nowadays, very unlikely of me. Cooking and baking fancy food was something that I wasn’t able to do with two jobs and post-grad studies. Feel like Martha Stewart and Zubaida Aapa now, thanks to this pandemic. Poetry helped me a lot to anchor myself and some amazing books that were on hold for years got me grounded.
Reconnecting with old friends, bonding with some new amazing people, and annoying my siblings with some super amazing and creative pranks are some things I am grateful for. It is growing on me now and I am enjoying it. This might sound very normal to anyone who isn’t a workaholic, but for me, it was a journey and it continues.
The world is ending, people are dying and I hope that this ends ASAP. I miss my friends and students and I can’t wait to see them. Things are horrible now and it’s NOT OKAY, but I am very thankful for this pandemic which made me realize that life is more than this rat race. Productivity is a construct and you can be productive without obsessing over your checklists, planners, and deadlines. You can be you; you can do nothing and still feel happy with yourself and your thoughts. Because why not?
Life is too short and you are important, so CHILL!!
By Khadija Kokab Farshori,
Karachi, Pakistan.
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