I feel slightly guilty for liking this lockdown. I do miss going out, meeting my friends, going to work, and hanging out with my students, but this stay at home all the time is not something new for me so maybe, I am just more comfortable and use d to it than most of the people. My days are upside down, I stay up till 0900 AM every day, then sleep till 0600 PM, waking up from time to time but honestly I feel so relaxed.
Now, when I really have to work I kind of freak out then. Like today I found out about this initiative that we have to start working for, I am excited but then a little nervous too. I feel like my bubble makes me stop making effort in anything. I do mundane prolonged stuff to keep myself occupied like washing the dishes or binge-watching a show that I don’t even like a lot.
It might be an understatement if I say I am confused between liking this stress free bubble and being productive and actually using my brain. I feel like it makes me make an effort when I am in my prolonged bubble life and then when I am super busy and productive it makes me appreciate the bubble. I feel like I make no sense yet complete sense. I wonder when will I be fed up of this lockdown or if that will even happen. But right now I feel I am relaxed, I don’t have to rush nor that I want too, because nothing lasts forever so I’m going to enjoy this until it’s gone. But I really hope things get better soon because I AM GETTING MARRIED AND THERE IS SO MUCH SHIT TO DO BEFORE THAT AND THIS LOCKDOWN BLOCKING MY PLANS. Well, I am good at compartmentalizing so there is that. *Thought picked up and kicked the hell away* you can’t control everything Right? RIGHT? This is confusing. I sometimes feel mind fudged. Excuse my French.
By Manal Jawed Rasheed,
Karachi, Pakistan.